So you’re working on your self. Clearing money blocks. Manifesting small wins. Gaining some momentum toward your goals. Reading and taking notes on the whole self-improvement journey. And then WHAM! Negative people. The negative neighbor or friend derails you with a solid blow to your mojo.
It’s usually something as simple as a single nudging sentence said with a snide tone.
“Have you made any money in that business yet?”
“So when’s your get-rich-quick scheme going to let you retire?”
“Oh, you look so tired today. I hope you are feeling okay.”
These statements seem petty and irrelevant on the surface. But when we are pushing to make financial, emotional, or physical changes for our well being, they can really sting. And they sting 10 times more when they come from the people we consider our friends and family. For tips on fighting negative thoughts, click here.
Sometimes, people have so much negative clutter themselves, that they don’t realize how much they drag others down with their own self-limiting beliefs. We don’t always know what triggers others and they don’t know what triggers us.
But the reality is that their “small talk” efforts can poke a hole in our rising balloon, deflate our progress, and set us back.
[bctt tweet=”Sometimes, people have so much negative clutter themselves, that they don’t realize how much they drag others down with their own self-limiting beliefs” username=””]
How Can I Deal With Negative People?
So what do you do?
When you are trying to make significant changes to your life, being bombarded with negative thinkers is seriously counterproductive. I remember several years ago spending an entire day cleaning every nook and corner of the kitchen. I scrubbed out drawers and cupboards. Cleaned behind the fridge. I went the whole nine yards and then some.
I was trying to declutter and make the space inviting and clean. A space of positive surroundings so to speak.
My then boyfriend comes home and doesn’t even notice the kitchen. He starts complaining that I didn’t put his work clothes in the dryer.
Let’s just say being met with complaints or naysayers after a good run of effort is not fun.
When You Have a Negative Partner
First of all, you absolutely cannot and should not try to change people. If you are trying, you are likely not in a relationship you belong in. If you are on a mission to uplevel your life, your partner should not only be on board, they should be your biggest supporter. After all, your improvements directly affect them too.
One thing that we run into with those closest to us is them imposing their self-limiting beliefs onto us.
If they were unable to accomplish something, they then think others can’t or shouldn’t be able to as well. Sometimes this manifests as simple doubt or negative questions surrounding your goals. Other times it results in flat jealousy.
So What Can You Do About a Negative Partner?
I’d start with this free workbook link right here. It tackles self-limiting beliefs that are sabotaging us in multiple areas of our lives! It helps to know what our beliefs are versus someone else’s beliefs we’ve picked up.
But also, Talk with them.
Don’t attack their character or start a fight. This is you being negative and we are trying to resolve and find a solution, not pour gas on the fire. Have a casual chat about what you are trying to accomplish and why. Also, mention how their words affect you.
It’s important to target the behavior, not their character. Avoid terms like, “you always or you never”. These are not helpful and people tune you out as soon as those words pass your lips.
Maybe it’s their own money blocks or emotional blocks that have them saying negative things. If you are working through exercises to conquer these, perhaps you could do it together. Or if you have just finished, you could use some of your new language and positive skills to “rub off” on your partner. In a semi-healthy relationship, these techniques will work.
Whatever the case, ignoring it will not work.
Your partner is usually the sole biggest influencer over your money and attitude. You are supposed to be a team.
Don’t set out to conquer the world and leave your partner behind causing resentment. Include them on your journey. Consciously choose new words and actions that reflect you in such a positive light that it is contagious and he/she catches on.
If their negative behavior or comments continue, it may be time to seek professional counseling or consider if this relationship is healthy enough to hang onto. It’s not normal to feel like your partner is sabotaging you. Nor is it okay for you to blame a partner for holding you back. Take responsibility. You, your fears, and your blocks are the only things that can hold you back. you have 100% control over how you respond to any situation, good or bad.
When Families are Negative Leeches
Oh, the joys of family. Praise all of you who have supportive parents and siblings.
But for those of you who don’t or those of you who have family that nose in and doubt or pick apart every little thing you do, I recommend this:
- Don’t share your business goals until you have far surpassed them. Or ever if they are jealous.
- Don’t talk about lack of money or an abundance of money. Neither is any of their business.
- Control how much time you spend with them while you are on a mission to create awesomeness.
- Choose your conversations wisely. Don’t set off triggers that result in arguing. You likely know what these are already.
You’ve been around your family long enough to know what triggers an argument. Pick your battles. Learn to say no. You are not under an iron-clad contract to invite them to every single event of your life.
Uplevel the Company You Keep
You know the saying right. “Show me the five people you spend the most time around and I’ll show you your future.”
In case you always made light of this, it’s actually pretty significant.
When you start making changes for the better your influences matter tenfold. If you are surrounded by too many negative people they will question your motives. aka-“what you’re too good for xyz?”. They’ll question your ability. “Yeah right, and I’m going to be the next Oprah lol.” Out of their own self-limiting beliefs and fear they will try to sabotage you. And during major life changes, we’re especially prone to slipping into old habits and fear.
So maybe your the good friend who would never consider snipping someone loose from your life.
I get it. I’m loyal to a fault at times.
But if you are trying to really make a significant change in YOUR life, you have to do what’s best for you.
Sometimes this means cutting the time you spend around these people waaayy back. You are allowed to make new friends. You are not cheating on your old friends. If anything, you’re upleveling the company they will be in at a later date when you introduce them to your newer, more positive people.
If your old friends are meant to stay in your life, they will pick up on the new vibes and start making some changes themselves. If not, the newfound positivity will likely crowd them out. This isn’t your fault. Being the best version of yourself gives the people around you what they deserve.
Which is a chance to come along for the adventure!
xoxo-Deanna